dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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