Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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