I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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