if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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