508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We talked him into tasing himself.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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