none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
