having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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