your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
God, I missed his penis.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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