Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
