people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Tornado booty call.. dedication
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
