we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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