The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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