great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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