I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
