I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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