I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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