i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
