That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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