Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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