My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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