If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize