thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
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