these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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