is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
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How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
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I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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