i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
