Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
