just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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