how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize