Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
