i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Randomize
