why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
