You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
