in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
there is puke in my bra ... again
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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