it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
