Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
God, I missed his penis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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