Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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