Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
