Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
