Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
