Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
