Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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