I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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