FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
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