Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
