so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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