dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize
