I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
