how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
