You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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