i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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