Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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