they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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