A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
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Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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