yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
