shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
