So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
