Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
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on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
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Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My penis needs a shock collar
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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