OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
