sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I wish I could teleport
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i drank out of a bidet.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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