I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
