she was so not down for the gang bang
I puked a lego.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Enjoy the penises
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
