Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
