Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
