Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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