dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Is Oprah even human
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
