Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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