EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
