id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
