well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize