Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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