The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
