Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
