Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
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If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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