Only a mothe r could love this liver
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
