Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
