dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
