I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize