After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
